One in Every Crowd
I've been wanting to do a post on this topic for a while now. The idea initially came to me last year. But it wasn't until the start of class again, and a much smaller class might I add, that I was really able to identify the characters that make your academic journey that much more entertaining, or miserable, depending on how you look at it. So, I give to you:
THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE UP YOUR CLASS
(Shut up, I know it's not original. Bite me, #6)
1. The Overachiever - We're getting this one out of the way first, just because we all despise them so. He/She always has every one of their books by the first day of class, along with their perfectly outlined date books listing every assignment/exam on the syllabus. They'll sit front and center, and usually have a #2 quality about them. They bring a new meaning to the word "organized." They never miss an opportunity to provide the professor with information that usually leads to more work, and they throw everyone in a state of panic as they hand in projects 3 weeks early. But most importantly, they ruin the curve for everyone. They'll never admit it, but the mace they carry isn't for walking to their car late at night, it's to avoid getting jumped by their angry classmates after course grades have been released.
2. The Head-Nodder - You know who I mean. That person who nods their head constantly while the instructor is talking, usually while on a pointless tangent. Which only encourages the instructor to continue on his already aimless topic prolonging the boredom of the other students. They should be coated with lacquer and sold as bobble-head dolls.
3. The Nail-biter - This is a pretty general category, as this person comes in a variety of forms. For instance, if it's not nail-biting, it's scab-picking, hair-twirling, or armpit-smelling. It's that person that has all of sudden found something extraordinary about themselves during class - something way more interesting than what's actually being taught. As a result, they will pick, scratch, or pull at pieces of their body until there is a little circle of human residue below their seat.
4. The Talker - Self-explanatory. Will raise their hand at any and everything. Loves the sound of their own voice. Usually takes charge of group discussions, volunteers to read anything, and requires about 90% of air time during class or else they will explode.
5. The Dumbshit - Often times, one in the same as #4. You want to literally beat sense into this person. And god help them when they do open their mouth during lecture, you feel embarrassed to be in their presence. It's as if the IQ of the entire class drops about 10 points. The only plus is that they at least pull down the class average. Unlike, ahem, #1.
6. The Know-it-all - Their comments are usually prefaced with statements such as: "When I was working for major corporation, we actually discovered blah blah blah...", or "If I could expand upon your point Professor, I've read ahead in our book and it says blah blah blah...", or "Back when I was doing important research, we found that blah blah blah..." Yeah, well, discover my foot up your ass bitch! Bet you didn't know about that one coming.
7. The Sleeper - I find these people the most interesting. They'll spend almost an entire class asleep in their seat, only to awake at some critical point during the lecture to open their mouth and say something so profound, it leaves the whole class in a state of awe. Sometimes this is followed by an applause, only because everyone wishes they could be that good.
And that concludes this rendition of THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE UP YOUR CLASS. I'm sure more will be discovered along the way. Hell, if you know of any unique individuals, please by like #4, and share with the rest of the class.
