Back to the Grind

It's the third week of class and I'm back into the groove of school. I spend countless hours a day in the library, fall asleep during lecture, am addicted to caffeine again, and have nightmares about professors trying to kill me. I'm fitting in quite nicely.

Grad school is quite difficult...as if I haven't been told this a thousand times. But you don't really get it until you're the one absorbing (or not absorbing) all the necessary material. The faculty teaching the classes in the program is made up of a brilliant group of doctors, all studying cutting edge medicine - usually from the biochemical point of view. I'm fascinated at how much information I'm taught in a single hour of lecture. The faculty switches off with one another during lectures, depending on the subject and their strengths in that particular area of study. I'm learning material that has been researched in the past week, and modern day textbooks become out-of-date by the time lecture is over. Pretty amazing. If anything, I'm sure to come out of this program with a profound respect for everyone that works "behind the scenes" of medicine. Those people are the real healers.

I won't be applying to medical school for the coming year. I plan to finish a second year in the Biomedical Sciences program to get my masters. From there, I'll decide whether or not medical school is in the cards, but will have a masters to fall back on if need be. Solid plan? Sure, why not?


I know this post is captivating and if you're still reading at this point, you're really procrastinating. I don't have any pictures to share, or any really great stories to tell. Why? I'm not in Colorado. At least that's what I can figure. I miss my day hikes, the random happenings of life out there, and, of course, skiing. (O yeah, and the boy) I should change the heading of this blog, "Thoughts from the High Country." Because I'm certainly not in the high country any longer, no matter which way you look at it. If anyone has any good suggestions for a new blogger heading, let me know. (This does not include "Jersey whore ramblings" or anything of that nature) I may or may not change it... it's nostalgia at this point.

First Day Jitters

In a few hours, I'll attend orientation and my first class in PCOM's post-bacc program. I'm a bit nervous. As you have seen from the previous post, I haven't exactly done many school-related things this past year. The only books I've read have been for enjoyment and anything scientific about them was a pure coincidence.

Everyone keeps telling me how great I'll do, how I shouldn't be worried, and so forth. Quite frankly, I'm scared shitless. I've already gone for a long run today and paced the house a few hundred times trying to shake the jitters. Nothing has worked. I have knots in my stomach and I could very well vomit if I tried hard enough. The fears of being unsuccessful and eventually failure have consumed me.

I feel like it's the first day of kindergarten. Granted, I'm not worried about the big bully pushing me in the mud or not having the right colored crayons. But I probably feel the same way now as I did before the first day back then. (And I wouldn't put it past anyone to push me in the mud anyway)

It's all in my head and after tonight I'll be just fine. I just hate waiting out the hours.

Fortunately I haven't had any elaborate dreams leading up to this day, surprisingly enough.


Funny, now playing: "The Captain" by Guster.

"It's simple. So says the captain."

Year in Review

Vail early September

Beer Pong Craze

Halloween pumpkin after Mike shot it with a paint gun

Vail early November

Thanksgiving Potluck

Me and Tallie

Justin and I

Charlie Brown Frozen Christmas Tree

New Year's Eve '05 - aka my 23rd birthday

Dan and I at Beaver Creek

Abby!

Brewery Kids

Copper Mountain Firefighter Ski Race - beers in hand

Jello crashing into John

James and I at the top of Blue Sky Basin

Coors Brewery

Morrison Inn Margaritas

Cape May, NJ

Devil's Head Tower

Charlie Daniels Band

Rodeo

"Goodbye Colorado"

Back

I'm back in the Garden State after a 7 day road trip. The road trip itself was great. Sharpy, Rosebach, and I left Colorado on Sunday, July 30 after a couple fun days of hiking and packing up my apartment. We made our way into Kansas and saw Monument Rocks just south of Oakley (not the home of the sunglasses place unfortunately). Apparently, it is a part of the national park system. I beg to differ. Of course, they were the highest things in Kansas towering to about 5 stories.

The following day, we stopped off in St. Louis, MO to see a couple of my friends who previously lived in CO with me. We hung out for a night, hit up a couple microbreweries, and then headed north to Chicago after checking out the Arch. We stayed with Sharpy's friend who showed us the Wrigley Field part of town. We then drove towards Detroit, MI to see some of Rosebach's family. On the way, Sharpy took a dip in Lake Michigan. Once again, one of my favorite bodies of water.

In Michigan, we crashed at Jeff's aunt and uncle's place, and then made our way to Canada. We reached Niagara Falls later that day and experienced all the fun tourist activities in town.

From there, it was the long haul back to Boston. I stayed for a day or two and got a great walking tour of the city, topped off by a long drink in the bar at the top of the Prudential Building. Very cool view of the entire skyline.

Sharpy and I returned to the Philly area where I dropped her off, and I made the last 60 miles back to Jersey. I've been here since Sunday, and I could not be missing the mountains more.

Relocating is one of the more stressful things humans do, topped off with starting Grad school in a week, not having a mode of transportation, not having a job, having $1.50 to my name, and leaving my love 1776.5 miles away. The last being the most stressful.

I know there are worst things in life, and I'm actually pretty damn lucky to be in the position that I'm in. I'm enrolled in a great school that allows me a promising professional future along with free room and board with my mom and stepdad. I still can't help but think of the "what-ifs." I'm terrified of losing the person I want to spend the rest of my life with for something like a graduate program. It's a justified reason to leave, but means peanuts in the big picture of life.

My heart is breaking which is the reason for the unhappy post. Very few things make me happy for more than a couple minutes right now, before I fall back into my sad and dreary state of mind. I left Colorado knowing that I will return again and that this seperation is only temporary. I still can't help but think how far 2000 miles is. It's killing me and I've never felt such heartache in my life.

Again, apologizing for the depressing post. I don't even want any words of encouragement or suggestions on how to feel better. I've heard it all already. I'd rather just sit and be sad and cry myself to sleep.


And if I'm unreachable for an extended period of time, it's because I packed my camelback and started to walk west.