Decision time - again??

And here I was, thinking, "Great.  I made it to medical school.  I finally made the decision to go and I freaking did it.  Now leave me alone."  Aaaaand, once again, not so much.

See, medical school, a huge decision in itself, opens up a plethora of options you hadn't even begun to consider until you immerse yourself in this particular society.  What kind of medicine do you want to practice?  Rural/Urban?  Pediatrics/Geriatrics?  Surgery/Family Practice?  Private practice/Hospital?  (Not to mention all the stigmas that come with each of these decisions - insurance, finances, personal family, etc.)  And you know me and decisions.  (See: color of my iPod)  I avoid them like the plague, often times waiting until the last minute to hastily choose an option with my eyes closed, saying "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe."

So here I am, a whopping 5 months into Medical School thinking I'm safe, and the question I'm asked all the time: "What kind of doctor do you want to be?"  (Though, it's better than the question, "What do you become after medical school?")  I'm in the thick of a 12 hour/day lecture and studying routine for the first 2 years.  Following that grueling lifestyle, I begin as what's known as rotations, or clinicals.  It is here that I'll rotate in and out of various hospitals, clinics, and doctor's offices every 4 weeks for 2 more years - pretending to be a doctor.  This is where the meat is.  This is where you figure out if you love/hate surgery, internal medicine, radiology, cardiology, pediatrics, etc.  About a year into this, you grasp on to a specialty and begin applying for your residency which can take anywhere from 3 to 7 more years AFTER medical school.  (Uuuuuuugh)  I don't expect people to know this, so I usually revert to my standard "I have no freaking clue" answer.  

So I'm thinking, yeah, the first 2 years suck (for lack of a better word), but at least I don't have to make any life-changing decisions for a while.  I can just sit here in my little corner and study to my heart's (I mean the school's) desire.  Not so fast.

We've been receiving emails and updates lately on websites specifically designed for students just like me who have no idea what they want to be when they grow up.  They're filled with everything from personality tests to social exams to hypothetical "what would you do" scenarios.  It's exhausting.  But, boy, do you get to know your habits REAL well.  Which I guess is the point.  It's taken me all of about 26 years, but I think I'm beginning to understand myself and preferences a little better.  (Good thing "medicine" is usually a hit on most of these personality tests - phew.)

So, to make a long story short - I still have no idea what I'm going to do.  Every time I think a specialty makes the top of the list, it's knocked back down for one reason or another.  But just the thought of having to actually decide in less than three years is enough to make me panic - today.  Shocking, I know.

And I know what you're thinking: "Two posts in one month??  She must be sick of school."  And you'd be correct.  Very very correct.

Can You Hear Me Now?

So there's this new Facebook thing making its way across cyberspace in which a person will write a "note" that lists 25 otherwise unknown facts about him or her.  The idea is that you "tag" various friends when you write this note, in hopes that they will reciprocate and also post 25 facts.

With the exception of a few items I wish I never knew about some of my Facebook "friends," it was an interesting experiment to read about the 25 facts that each person thought were the most important to share about themselves.  Naturally, the most common facts highlighted the person's favorite qualities in hopes to bring them some positive attention.  I didn't see too many "I beat small children for fun," or "I steal from the church collection plate" statements out there.

But that's the nature of the game.  Status updates, away messages, myspace notes, and blogs (heh) are all intended for our voice to be heard - many times, to complete strangers.  (When was the last time you talked to more than 30 of your 582 Facebook friends in person? - OK, well I haven't at least)  It's an interesting development over the last few years.

Back in the day, you found out how someone was doing by making a phone call, or seeing them at school or the store or what have you.  Now, people I haven't talked to in years and years are telling me that they're "at a football game," or "out getting wasted," or "lounging around the house."  And I can't say I don't want to know these things, because why else do I sign on to Facebook and AIM regularly?  Not only do I want to know what they're up to, I like to tell others what I'm doing too.  Why?  It makes me look cool, obviously.  Ah...   the kicker.  It's certainly changing the way people feel about one another and the kind of "front" we display when we know others are watching.  What do you say about yourself when the world is listening?  Is it any different than if they're not listening?

But, anyway, since I'm too shy and afraid of criticism to post something like this to people I actually do know, I give you, random internet people: 25 Facts About Me.  (I needed some excuse to do this, right?)

1.  I am very ambitious, and it's paid off.

2.  I don't really wear make-up and don't particularly like to either.

3.  I tend to use school as an excuse on missing out on life.

4.  But I really do like to study (usually).

5.  I don't like to work.  This probably explains why I'm 26 and still have 3.5 more years of formal schooling left.

6.  I underestimate myself and my potential quite often, despite my ambition.  This is why I always scare the shit out of myself when I decide to make some life-changing decision.

7.  I don't like girls.  There's a select few girls I'm truly friends with.  They usually remind me of my guy friends.

8.  I am so in love with the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

9.  I am horribly afraid of death and dying.  Part of the reason I went into medicine was to face this fear head on.

10.  I have "book browsing" days in which I'll spend hours meticulously selecting my next read.

11.  I'm a huge football fan.

12.  I love having 3 younger brothers.  They were my own personal army growing up.  And I realize that as I get older, they still are.

13.  I wear clothes from Target and Old Navy.  I rarely own more than one pair of jeans at a time.  My purse has never cost more than $30.

14.  I love to travel and experience new cultures.  Consequently, I get very restless living in one place for more than a couple years.

15.  Dusk is my favorite time of day.

16.  I like to sleep cold.

17.  Skiing is my favorite sport.

18.  I once drove across the country with no money, no job, and no one I knew at my destination.  I lived there for a year.  It was kickass.

19.  I'm really horrible at remembering names.  I feel bad, because it looks like I wasn't paying attention when I first met you.  This is partly true.

20.  I have worked as a waitress since I was 16.  It's taught be the value of money and hard work.

21.  I have a very high faith in the goodness of others.  This often labels me as being "gullible."  I also tend to get taken advantage of.

22.  I'm beginning to understand why adults don't particularly like to celebrate birthdays.

23.  I have minor OCDs.  Things like asymmetry and misspellings really get to me.

24.  I'm very independent and like to do things all by myself - like a big girl.

25.  I've never broken a bone, sprained a joint, or needed stitches.  Even though I rock climb, ski, SCUBA dive, hike, bike, run, play pick-up football, and used to wrestle with my brothers relentlessly growing up.

So there you have it.  25 things I'll tell the world when I know it's listening.

(and I've also discovered a passion for italics lately - in case you hadn't noticed)