Decision time - again??

And here I was, thinking, "Great.  I made it to medical school.  I finally made the decision to go and I freaking did it.  Now leave me alone."  Aaaaand, once again, not so much.

See, medical school, a huge decision in itself, opens up a plethora of options you hadn't even begun to consider until you immerse yourself in this particular society.  What kind of medicine do you want to practice?  Rural/Urban?  Pediatrics/Geriatrics?  Surgery/Family Practice?  Private practice/Hospital?  (Not to mention all the stigmas that come with each of these decisions - insurance, finances, personal family, etc.)  And you know me and decisions.  (See: color of my iPod)  I avoid them like the plague, often times waiting until the last minute to hastily choose an option with my eyes closed, saying "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe."

So here I am, a whopping 5 months into Medical School thinking I'm safe, and the question I'm asked all the time: "What kind of doctor do you want to be?"  (Though, it's better than the question, "What do you become after medical school?")  I'm in the thick of a 12 hour/day lecture and studying routine for the first 2 years.  Following that grueling lifestyle, I begin as what's known as rotations, or clinicals.  It is here that I'll rotate in and out of various hospitals, clinics, and doctor's offices every 4 weeks for 2 more years - pretending to be a doctor.  This is where the meat is.  This is where you figure out if you love/hate surgery, internal medicine, radiology, cardiology, pediatrics, etc.  About a year into this, you grasp on to a specialty and begin applying for your residency which can take anywhere from 3 to 7 more years AFTER medical school.  (Uuuuuuugh)  I don't expect people to know this, so I usually revert to my standard "I have no freaking clue" answer.  

So I'm thinking, yeah, the first 2 years suck (for lack of a better word), but at least I don't have to make any life-changing decisions for a while.  I can just sit here in my little corner and study to my heart's (I mean the school's) desire.  Not so fast.

We've been receiving emails and updates lately on websites specifically designed for students just like me who have no idea what they want to be when they grow up.  They're filled with everything from personality tests to social exams to hypothetical "what would you do" scenarios.  It's exhausting.  But, boy, do you get to know your habits REAL well.  Which I guess is the point.  It's taken me all of about 26 years, but I think I'm beginning to understand myself and preferences a little better.  (Good thing "medicine" is usually a hit on most of these personality tests - phew.)

So, to make a long story short - I still have no idea what I'm going to do.  Every time I think a specialty makes the top of the list, it's knocked back down for one reason or another.  But just the thought of having to actually decide in less than three years is enough to make me panic - today.  Shocking, I know.

And I know what you're thinking: "Two posts in one month??  She must be sick of school."  And you'd be correct.  Very very correct.